Lunch #2: The Mango Lassi From The Coffee Bar That Was Murdered By Its Own Wallpaper

I’m starting to think it’s possible that decor might have an influence on the success of an eatery. Then again, maybe not. You tell me.

The coffee bar I bought lunch from today is about to die. I thought it was just quiet because it was lunchtime and in my head, coffee’s more of a breakfast thing. So I asked the woman, is it busier at breakfast?

She shrugged and said, No, in fact we’re closing next week because it’s so quiet.

For good? I asked.

Yes, she said.

Oh, I said.

So I ordered a Mango Lassi (R23 for the 500ml size) and spent the time it took to make trying to figure out why nobody else comes to this coffee bar.

It couldn’t be the location. I mean, it’s Long Street. It’s where people come to eat.

It couldn’t be the menu. Sandwiches, wraps, curries, muffins, smoothies, lassis… It’s not like they’re trying to sell insect stir-fry. (Although I’d be right there if they were – I saw a talk on TED once about eating insects and I’m all for it. Definitely theoretically anyway.)

It couldn’t be the staff. Despite impending unemployment, they were cheerful, friendly and efficient. They had a good vibe going.

So I thought, maybe it’s the wallpaper.

Here it is. You decide.

Possibly eaterycidal wallpaper.