It has been some time since I last did a lunch. That was because I’ve been in the Maldives and they don’t have lunch there. No, that’s not true. I was just checking to see how gullible you are. They had a lot of lunch there, but I had to write about it for the COSMO website. That was my job for a week: go to a tropical island, stay at a five star resort, eat a lot of lunch and write about it. I’m giving lectures at UCT on how to do this. Really.
Anyway, I returned to Long Street last week. This time I was accompanied by The Yummy Politician. He is a Cape Town Expert, because he was born here. So he led us to Attempted Lunch Place #1.
It was indeed a very nice place, but there was nothing within my lunch budget range of R20 to R30. Magnanimously, I revised my lunch budget upwards to R40 for all future accompanied lunches, but alas, this remained insufficient. Since I felt it would be awkward to ask the restaurant to put their prices down but also that it would be unreasonable to put my budget up any further, we crossed the road to Lunch Place #2.
The Yummy Politician had mentioned that he was in the mood for Mexican, which is practically the same thing as Cuban, so we sat down happily and perused the menu, where I could find at least two things within my budget. Unbeknownst to us, however, the menu was just there to fool us, because we couldn’t actually have anything on it.
We tried ordering nachos, but there was no cheese. We tried ordering spinach and feta flatbread, but there was no spinach. We tried ordering a burger, but there were no chips. We thought we’d managed to beat the system when we worked out that we could order a burger with no chips, but then the waitress played her ace: there was no credit card machine.
Foiled, we trudged back out onto Long Street. The seconds of my lunch break were ticking away. Behold! Across the street was the faithful old Mexican Kitchen. Dingy, dodgy and completely reliable.
We checked that there was cheese, we checked that there was a credit card machine, we removed the sombrero from our table. I ordered bean soup and got quesadillas instead, but that was okay. Really.